Wednesday, December 17, 2008

"do u eat pussy"

I was chatting online about jobs or sick dogs or the weather, when an IM popped up and a new visitor to the room sent me this IM. I clicked on her profile and she appeared to be a single 40-ish rough-looking femme who claimed to be a secretary looking for "whatevas".

"do u eat pussy"

I thought this was a peculiar question to ask a lesbian in a lesbian chatroom, since our stereotype is that we eat pussy, munch on the carpet, muff dive, and can summon the eternal divine with our tongues (I just made that last one up).

"do u eat pussy"

Taken aback, my answer was a typical one for me "Sorry?" I need to work on this, since it doesn't seem to work well. This is, however, my typical answer after working years in the dreaded and evil Human Resources field, which taught me to muzzle the instincts in my own head to respond thusly: "Are you fucking nuts? Are you a man? At least when you are blindly asking someone to fuck, could you not capitalize the first letter in a sentence, and end the sentence with a tiny fucking period? Do bad manners and bad grammar go together? Did you not notice how I chat, and perhaps, if you are looking to fuck me, you ought to at least notice how I write? What makes you think I would fuck you? Do you know anything about me? Here's a hint: Turn Ons: Intelligence, humor, wit, the ability to clearly articulate a thought or a feeling, empathy, sensitivity, butch tops, butch cock, wooing, courting, strength, confidence, emotional equanimity, charm, charisma, respect, sexiness, erotica, progressive politics, art, and literature. Turn Offs: "do u eat pussy"

Her response?

"do u eat pussy"

Dear god, why do I try?

2 comments:

liz said...

When I was first coming out, I went online in search of something - a community, perhaps? I found a few sites with forums or chat rooms and I was quickly swept by all of the private messaging and flirting that goes along online.

Eventually, I progressed past the chat rooms and the online experience and into "real life." But it was in those chat rooms and forums that I really became exposed to gay life, before stepping into a bar in the village.

While not all chats were the most interesting, I am thankful that they were there and that I was able to make those connections with other people like me.

Running away with the Spoon said...

It's true, there is a tremendous benefit to online communities that cannot be understated. Thanks for pointing that out.

When I was young, too young for bars, there was no easy way to find other young lesbians. You can only hang out in the HQ section of the stacks for so long.

As creepy as some folks can be online, I believe such open access has had a tremendously positive aspect on breaking down isolation for those who are curious, afraid, or physically isolated. There is nothing as "normalizing" as normal conversation, normal flirting, normal angst, with people who are normal, just like you.

It's actually been a benefit for me, temporarily taking care of my mother in a senior community, to have others under 85 to talk to with whom I need not explain why I am not married, have a boyfriend, or children at my age, and refuse to be "fixed up" with the nice young 65-year-old-boy in 3G.

Welcome, Liz, and thanks for your comment.